Choosing the Right Cat
You may have heard the saying "A dog comes when its called. Cats take a message and get back to you." While it is true that cats are often more independent and aloof than their canine counterparts, the still crave and require love and attention from their humans.
Cats are highly adaptable and make wonderful pets; however, like humans each cat is a true individual, so taking the time to choose the cat who is right for you is important. Factors such as age, appearance and personality should all play a role in your decision.
Kitten vs. Cat
As a general rule, kittens are very energetic and playful. Sometimes that energy comes out in the form of destructive behaviors which require patience and training to discourage. Adult cats tend to be more laid back and less mischievous. You should also consider your family situation. Young children are not always well-equipped to deal with the special needs of a kitten. Generally, a cat of at least four months of age is a better choice for households with children.
Personaility
When choosing a cat, you will find a wide range of personalities. Some cats will come right up to the edge of enclousures to beg for attention. Others will simply lie back and look at you with an air of feline superiority. You have to choose which personaility suits you. Regardless, make sure that your cat has a good activity level, is alert and likes to be handled.
Shorthaired vs. Longhaired
Even if you do not get a purebred cat, you have many choices in mixed breeds, or "domestics". Longhaired cats require more intensive grooming than shorthaired cats, though all cats should be brushed on occassion. Indeed, many cats love to be brushed and will shower you with affection as you groom them.
Meeting Your Pets
If you already have pets, introducing a new cat into your household may seem a daunting prospect. They key to this is to do it slowly. Start by giving your new cat a single room to be in alone for several days as he gets used to you and his new surroundings. He and your existing pets can sniff each other out through the door. Gradually allow supervised visits of increasing time periods. Do not be alarmed if your new cat hisses or meows loudly at your existing pets- this is normal. After a period of time, your pets should learn to accept each other, and may even become the best of friends!
Keeping a Healthy, Happy Cat
Since you have made the commitment to bring a cat into your life, be a responsible pet owner. Cats live the safest, healthiest lives as indoor animals. If you never let your cat outside, he will not miss it. Additionally, having your pet spayed or neutered will keep your cat happier and healthier, and it will ensure that your cat does not add to the millions of animals who do not find homes each year.
Cat Humor
TO HUMAN BEINGS
1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence.
What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention
Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping.
Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just
to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice.
Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:
Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.
Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's golden time is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.
3. Punishing Your Human Being
Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire--the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:
Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.
Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.
Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.
After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.
While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.
4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?
The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented.
After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend that cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.
5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?
You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.
